I’M OFFENDED!

Series: Clickbait

Jun 5

Written By Kevin Canterbury

Pastor Kevin Canterbury
June 5, 2022
Series: Clickbait
14 min. read

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There is always potential for offense.

In Luke 17:1, Jesus says it simply, “offenses will come.” I don’t care who you are, offenses are coming your way. Because if you know at least one human, it will happen.

So, if offense is impossible to escape, you need to learn to work with it. Offense is like opposition because you should simply expect it. But opposition can be used for our benefit.

Think of it this way:

Without wind opposing the wings of a plane, the plane cannot receive ‘lift’.

Without the resistance of the weights, your muscles will not grow.

Opposition allows you to do things you otherwise could not do if you did not have opposition. I’ve heard it said “too much convenience robs a man of purpose”. there’s a lot of truth in that because without opposition we really don’t know who we are or what we have.

In short, I believe offense is an attempt to destroy your soul by means of humiliation, anger, and frustration. When I find myself getting offended I realize it’s because I’m frustrated, I’m angry, or even humiliated. Today’s story from 2 Samuel 10 has all of that and more, let’s jump in…

2 Samuel 10:1-4

1 After this the king of the Ammonites died, and Hanun his son reigned in his place. 2 And David said, “I will deal loyally with Hanun the son of Nahash, as his father dealt loyally with me.” So David sent by his servants to console him concerning his father. And David's servants came into the land of the Ammonites.

At this point in the story, do you see anything offensive? Are King David’s motives pure or is he doing something else here? No, he is trying to be honorable, right? He feels a kinship with Nahash and wants to honor him.

3 But the princes of the Ammonites said to Hanun their lord, “Do you think, because David has sent comforters to you, that he is honoring your father? Has not David sent his servants to you to search the city and to spy it out and to overthrow it?”

Always good advice:

Be careful who you listen to. Be mindful of the company you keep and the friends you have in your circle. Even the influences you take in online! As a Christian, you can’t afford to just listen to the first piece of advice you hear about something or someone. Hanun’s reign had just begun and he has no experience as king so the first people that approach him are these princes sowing a conspiracy. Hanun has no wisdom or experience to really know what to do other than believe him…

4 So Hanun took David's servants and shaved off half the beard of each and cut off their garments in the middle, at their hips, and sent them away.

Here is what’s going on: David was King of Israel and he had heard one of his friends, Nahash, had died. David is trying to show kindness to the family by sending two of his mightiest men to this country, to the Ammonites, and to show compassion. The king had died, the son was about to take over and someone had gotten to this new young king. They questioned the motive of David and his army, “Do you really believe they are just coming here to comfort us? Or just to show honor and respect? No, they are coming to harm us, spy on us, kill us, and take us over!”

Now let’s flip the perspective: David’s army was falsely accused. They wanted to show kindness on behalf of their king but it was misinterpreted and became an offense for the Ammonites. These soldiers were in the will of their king and were mistaken. Meaning you can be in the will of God, you can have intentions to honor someone and still offend people. I know this is true from personal experience AND Jesus promised it would happen, right?

Now, these men were not just told to leave, but they were humiliated:

Beards shaved off: Form of rank and identity. Like most cultures in what we call the Middle East, a beard on a man communicates a lot of honor and prestige but half of their beards were cut off to humiliate them. Prisoners were often clean-shaven, men of status though had full beards but a half beard? That’s just humiliating.

Robes cut to hips: That’s a nice way of describing how these mighty men were Donald Duck’d… Are you following? Their robes were cut to expose their rear ends.

Verse 4 in the KJV: Wherefore Hanun took David's servants, and shaved off the one half of their beards, and cut off their garments in the middle, even to their buttocks, and sent them away.

That’s not vulgar, that’s the bible. I think most of us would take a half-beard over that any day!

But do you see how quickly a small offense took off? And it wasn’t even a legitimate offense at that! Those are physical embarrassments but how do you think you’d feel if that happened to you? Emotionally, you would probably feel like a shell of yourself. A token of your authority ripped from you, you journey back home literally exposed

Again, I think one of the saddest things about this situation is that these mighty men were just doing what their king wanted them to do and show honor to a fallen friend and his family.

The lesson here is simple:

If you follow Jesus, you will eventually find yourself wounded by others- Intentionally or unintentionally.

No one is exempt from this either. I have the pleasure of grabbing coffee with people in our community quite a bit. Somewhere along the story of their faith journey comes an almost inevitable offense that grew into a wound. Some are able to navigate it and hold tightly to their faith but there are plenty who can’t and don’t.

If you make the coffee for us on Sunday morning, someone will complain it’s bitter.

If you greet people as they come in or thank people for coming on the way out, someone will ignore you.

If you serve in Rock Kids, someone will roll their eyes at you for how you did something.

I’ve spent 32 years in the Church. 15 of those years spent serving in some capacity, 10 of those years pastoring, and I have learned an important truth:

Maintain a soft heart, but practice thick skin.

Here is an example from my own life:

Years ago, I had a meeting with a fellow staff member 9 months into a new job at a church. He was hurt that I had never had a meeting with him to get to know him… And this happened in front of my boss, our Lead Pastor.

It was tempting to push back. It was tempting to avoid responsibility. It was tempting to look at him and find an excuse, but I had nothing. I told him he was right and I hadn’t done my job and I was sorry because I thought the world of him. With a soft heart, I heard his humanity inside his offense and how he felt forgotten and it moved me to sincere repentance.

AND with thick skin, I knew that mistake didn’t define me or my calling to be a pastor but again, that was also tempting. Maintain a soft heart, but practice thick skin simply means we see offenses in others or in ourselves, we work to make them right, but we don’t let that failure define us. Offense is real, it will come AND you will commit offenses yourself. Maintain a soft, humble, and teachable heart, but practice thick skin because you are not defined by the opinions of others.

We live in a fallen, compromised world. We will hurt one another. So my hope is that we don’t fall into the trap of bitterness and anger that offense can bring, but go in a different direction altogether with our offenses. 2 Samuel 10 continues and it doesn’t get any better.

5 When it was told David, he sent to meet them, for the men were greatly ashamed. And the king said, “LET’S WRECK THESE AMMONITE FOOLS!”

No, that’s not what he said. David does something really compassionate here…

5 When it was told David, he sent to meet them, for the men were greatly ashamed. And the king said, “Remain at Jericho until your beards have grown and then return.”

Some things get lost in translation but here is what is happening: In the story, King David finds out what happened to these men. On their way home, he sends someone to go out and tell them not to come into the town square where they will be humiliated even more by their own people- but to instead go to Jericho. An interesting thing about the word Jericho is one of the interpretations of the word is understood to mean “the sweet place”. King David tells his men to go to Jericho and restore themselves in the sweet place.

This really reminds me of the Prodigal Son parable. In Luke 15, Jesus explains as the father sees his rebellious son coming back home, his son is a total mess. Sloppy and smelly. But the father runs to him not to condemn and humiliate him anymore but his father has a robe placed on him, a ring for his finger, and sandals for his feet because the father doesn’t want to embarrass his son. That’s the picture Jesus paints of God. I don’t know what you’ve heard about God, but God isn’t waiting to humiliate or embarrass you. To make you feel worse for whatever you did but God wants to help restore you and celebrate the fact that you’ve come to Him.

This is paralleled in this story as King David sends these men to “the sweet place” away from their community, not for their shame but so they can be restored. David didn’t use the offense these men endured as political tools to whip up anger against the Ammonites. David cared more for their own dignity and honor and allowed them to wait before returning to Jerusalem.

God does this for us when we get hurt and when we carry offense from others. He has a way of protecting us so if someone offends you, go to your Jericho and allow your beard to grow back, your self-respect and honor will come back. I know what they did was bad but don’t seek vengeance. Remember who you are and whose authority you walk in.

Some of us today are hurt and offended and we are asking God what we should do. I think we have our answer: We need to go to our Jericho. Our hearts need to be restored, we need community, and we simply need help. When we are offended we want to let our anger drive us to a decision but that’s often destructive. And anger can only go so far before it turns into bitterness.

Maybe you’ve been hurt by someone and you want God to “fix that person and their problems”- But we have directions first: Rest and restore yourselves because if you try to ignore offenses they are like a slow cooker and they build and build and because you are neglecting them, they are bubbling and ready to burst out and they inevitably do.

Eventually, those offenses come out and explode on the people we love most. We are dealing with so much offense and pressure that the smallest thing trips us up. My sons just finished a great baseball season but my goodness, we parents have some serious repenting to do toward some of the coaches and umpires! I say that not because I think it’s also kind of funny, but because we often walk around so offended and hurt that we actually channel it towards the wrong person in the worst situations.

This happens with me, too. My wife has a code word for it – “intense”.

“You seem really intense today.” Have you ever heard that about yourself? And the worst part of that observation is that sometimes you don’t feel intense BUT if you respond too strongly you prove the point of the other person. So you slow cook offense into bitterness.

Like anyone else, I have my moments. I’m grateful God has freed me from thinking I “can’t show weakness” and that I have to “always be strong” because those are lies! The strongest people I know are people who are honest and say “I’m struggling this week” or “Could you pray for me today?”

In this case, King David instructs his men not to fight back but to go and be restored.

And just being honest, sometimes I hate that advice.

I think it’s good! I think it’s true. But I’d rather fight most of the time. “Eye for an eye - YEAH!”... But that’s not what I see from Jesus and not what I see taught throughout the New Testament.

Instead of fighting back, we have verses like these from Romans 12:

17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Romans 12:17-21

Don’t mistake this with peacekeeping and “just trying to keep the peace” because here at RVC, we believe in:

PEACEMAKING: We choose to lean into the natural tension that comes with human relationships to make peace and give grace.

Offenses will come! And you will commit plenty of them. What are we to do? Let’s choose to forgive the offense and let’s make peace because if we don’t, well, take a look at how this story goes…

6 When the Ammonites saw that they had become a stench to David, the Ammonites sent and hired the Syrians of Beth-rehob, and the Syrians of Zobah, 20,000 foot soldiers, and the king of Maacah with 1,000 men, and the men of Tob, 12,000 men.

This is so important to understand: The Ammonites knew they did this, not King David. David didn’t reject the Ammonites; they made themselves a “stench” to Israel.

7 Now when David heard of it, he sent Joab and all the army of the mighty men.

This is getting ugly, right? Offense starts small but it gets away from us so fast. Joab strategically divides King David’s army into two and what happens to Israel? They conquer their adversaries. Joab defeats the Syrians, and the Ammonites retreat to the city of Rabbah. King David and the nation of Israel didn’t start this conflict AND they didn’t instigate the battle, but they did finish it.

When we battle our own offenses and we work hard to understand what’s really happening, I believe sometimes God calls us to finish things we didn’t start and it takes a humble heart to admit and see that.

If you are in conflict with someone today, sometimes the best response is no response. Because sometimes you know you are too angry and you’ll make it much worse. Or you simply know they are wrong and it doesn’t need your response. You don’t need to lower yourself into a greater conflict but instead, you need to pursue a restorative perspective that only comes from closeness with God.

Here are some helpful reminders or some Biblical ways to deal with offense:

1. Stop Avoiding Offenses

You can’t afford to “keep peace”. It takes a toll on you. You weren’t meant to bottle every offense up and hold onto them, but to share and heal and find peace.

2. Pray for the Offender

It might be someone else, but sometimes it’s you. In all situations, we pray because prayer changes things, prayer changes us.

3. Seek Spiritual Growth

Seek to understand the offense as if the roles were switched. If it were the other way around, wouldn’t you want to be honestly understood instead of vilified? I also believe those with spiritual maturity don’t broadcast their grievances for all to see or hear but find wise counsel from a select few who can help direct their hurt in a Godly way. Within this, also say to pray for God’s grace to discern how to respond in a Godly way to specific situations and to specific people because not every situation will prescribe the same exact formula.

It sounds almost too practical, but it’s important to follow the steps Jesus outlined in Matthew 18. No matter what, we have offenses we need to work with, not avoid. We all have offenders we need to pray for, not slander. We all have steps to take with God and grow, so what does that look like for you today?